Comfort is the silent killer of your happiness
In my late 20’s I lived in the Philippines for three years, and something I realized about my great home country of America is how comfortable we are there.
Obviously I know we still have poverty and those in need, but on the whole the quality of life is higher there than most countries.
Like Mexico, where I live now.
I go back to my hometown and see houses spaced 15–20 meters apart. I see the reclining chairs, the fenced yards, and the parents driving their kids to the bus stop 50 yards down the road because they don’t want them to be cold.
My God. Get a grip.
Comfort can be a silent killer. It can rob you of valuable experiences. It is the biggest stealer of genuine happiness that I can think of.
And the problem is, I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with comfort. Have your nice house. Have your reclining chair. If you have a 70 inch plasma TV, I may come over for the Super Bowl.
The problem arises when we become too addicted to the comfort.
And that’s the thing. Comfort is almost as addicting as alcohol.
The Nasty Things Comfort Does To Us
I’m not saying every person that lives in a house and has a reclining chair is the devil. There are amazing folks out there that live in comfort. There’s just certain negative ways that comfort can influence us.
For one, it makes us less dependent on other people. Why would I need my neighbor when I have everything in my own home?
In the Philippines, it’s not uncommon for neighbors in the province to rely on one another for business, tools, or just general help.
I’ve realized that this is actually a very important ingredient to happiness. Needing other people. Human beings need to be needed.
I’m paraphrasing, but Ben Franklin once said that the best way to get someone to like you is to ask them for a favor. Doesn’t that seem counter intuitive? Wouldn’t you feel bad for inconveniencing somebody?
I certainly would feel bad. But I’d also say that most people actually want to help one another. We’re happy to help. We’re happy to feel needed — and that’s something comfort can make us forget.
Comfort isolates us.
One solution I have to this is to simply find ways to ask your neighbors for help. Keep your comfort. You can have all of that. Just take precautions to make sure it doesn’t beat you down into a mind-numbing state of “I don’t care about or need anybody else.”
Find ways to need other people, and find ways to make other people feel needed by you.
You’re Robbing Your Kids Of What They Need Most
If our parents keep finding solutions to our own problems for us, we’ll grow up to be semi-useless human beings.
I saw kids running around in the streets of Manila like packs of joyful dogs. They’re playing games, avoiding the cars, and looking out for themselves. I’m not saying you need to go let your kids play in the streets, but I do think we need more of that and less of “I’m going to drive you to the bus stop 50 yards away so you don’t have to feel cold.”
Get a grip.
Who do you think will have more toughness when they get older? The kids in the streets of Manila looking out for themselves or the kid who grew up with mommy taking him to the bus stop in a heated car?
When I first got to the Philippines, I unwittingly took measures to maximize my comfort. I got a nice apartment. I got a TV, Xbox, computer, desk, and basically I didn’t need to leave my apartment for anything.
I found it hard to wash out the American in me. I’m still washing him out a little bit.
I saw people make ridiculous 3 hour commutes in cramped buses both ways every day just to make a living. I saw elderly men and women pushing 70 selling fruits on the street every day for 16 hours. They should be at home, retired.
America is a great country, but to me that greatness was and is founded on hard working Americans who didn’t always have comfort in their back pocket.
And this new level of comfort we’ve discovered has made us less capable, more lazy, less happy, and overall feeling like something is missing from our lives.
You know what’s missing? Other people. And I truly believe that comfort has led to us not needing other people as much, and therefore losing touch with what makes us the happiest.
that's a great point about how comfort keeps us isolated. moving to spain has been really eye-opening on how much extra things we have in America that was just don't need. people in spain are less lonely because they get out of their small houses and socialize more. they take life seriously but also celebrate as a community all the time.
Well-said, Tom. Americans are spoiled and can't see it. Living in another country does open your eyes.